Thursday, August 7, 2008

The Zen of Sarcasm

~ Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me alone.

~ It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

~ Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.

~ Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

~ If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

~ Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

~ Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

~ Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.

~ Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

~ The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

~ There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

~ Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

~ Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

~ Never miss a good chance to shut up.

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3 Comments:

Blogger therimmers said...

You have so made my day with these!!!! I love ALL of them!!

August 7, 2008 at 8:33 PM  
Anonymous mindi said...

dad and i both relate to the first one. ;)

August 8, 2008 at 10:14 AM  
Blogger Valerie Dykstra said...

Tonya, nice to hear from you again. I've wondered where you were. :-) I'm posting something for you soon.
Mindi, I relate to #1 too.

August 10, 2008 at 9:24 PM  

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